WHAT IS YOUR PRIORITY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS? IS IT RIGHT? TO BE HAPPY?

We all know the damages of heart breaking in order to be right in relationships. In this article, "Do you prefer to be right or happy in relationships?" I mentioned the subject and gave information to be happy. I have been doing family marriage couple therapy and relationship expertise for many years and I have seen that people who communicate with unhealthy people go to war of rights in unnecessary situations. Because, in unnecessary situations, entering the war of rights affects relationships negatively. Everyone thinks he's right from his point of view, and hearts are broken in the discussions. Moreover, nobody understands what anyone wants and discussions are in vain.

It should always be aim to be happy, not to be right in our relationships. It is necessary to establish partnerships and find the middle point. In a relationship that does not find the middle point, everyone says "I". However, it is necessary to create “We” awareness. The discussions are like an illusion, everyone believes that he is so right that he does not care what the other person thinks and feels at that moment and can try to hurt the other side with anger. For this reason, couples can establish sad words and sentences. However, everyone sees his side and behaves according to how and in what way events reflect to him in his own life. Now consider a relationship, you are right, your partner is unfair. Think about what this situation can bring you.

Considering that you are always right, consider how far you can take him away from your partner's emotional and physical needs. How did you feel that you were always right? In the long term, did you think you can solve your problems with this logic, just to be right? There are always problems in relationships. Of course, you will have many problems in your togetherness, and even in the variable flow of life, your problems will never end.

Being in a "relationship" as a whole requires problem solving skills. Couples argue. You may wish that you have the ability to argue instead of a utopian situation, as well as your relationship may be indisputable. The important thing is not to argue, the important thing is; how to solve problems after discussions. If you do not talk to your partner about your problems, expectations, ailments, escape from talking, get bored or ignore everything, the relationship comes to the point of occlusion. Mutual wear begins. The important thing is to create a very solid ground, to predict the course of the relationship and find the balance. Those who anticipate the course try to increase the motivation of the relationship. In this effort we are saying what you see wrong for more solid ground.

Always keep in mind that “perfect relationships are not undisputed relationships, but known relationships how they can be resolved after discussions”. It should be able to speak in the framework of respect and love, at least the message "I understand you, I am sensitive to your wishes, you are important" should be given. Everything does not have to be solved, there are some problems that cannot be solved at all, but whatever the anger, anger and the ego can dominate and not be ignored. People whose temper and anger are victorious can lose their momentary emotions and consume their lifetime happiness. This is why people get bored and bored and change relationships. It is thought that there will be no discussion with the people in their new association. It is thought that the new person will be more accurate, that he will not experience the same problems, and that less responsibility will be taken in relation to him.

However, the emotional investments to be made in the current relationship protect itself from the fact that it can constantly explain and traumatize in different relationships. In this way of thinking, you will hear the word “I am bored”. People who think this way also have difficulty in focusing on a job in life. They think it is easier to choose the one that looks like itself rather than invest in the existing one. However, a good relationship is not found, a good relationship is created. It is established as a good relationship maker, by establishing a balance, by understanding the expectations with effective communication methods. If you come across this balanced, constructive character, you are lucky. People in this consciousness will gather you, your relationship no matter what the problem is. You realize that the other person cares about you in a moment of discussion. Sometimes you can unintentionally break his heart, but no matter what night you argue, if you make it a habit to never sleep, you will have a strong relationship rather than solving the problem itself.

The prolongation of arrogance after the discussion, making pride, not seeking or coming home creates insecurity in relationships. In the next discussion, one cannot receive the message I am with you despite everything. The relationship, which he feels is not strong, gives tension and does not feel peaceful. Therefore, even if we argue, I should be able to say that I am here. The relationships of the couples who achieve this will be long lasting. Otherwise, the relationship will crack and end from the first discussion. If you have someone you don't want to lose, be constructive. Although it may seem easy to establish a relationship sometimes, it is not easy to establish qualified relations. I try to teach this consciousness to people as much as possible, I will continue to teach without knowing if there are still those who do not know, how many marriages and how many relationships have been saved for years, I don't know the number of survivors, but there is only one thing that I know is that if anyone sees a war of rights before all other values ends late ... That's why not be right, be happy ... That's why choose not be right, be happy ...

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Stay healthy… Stay happy…

Family, Marriage and Couples Consultant Prof. Dr. Ekrem Çulfa