WHAT IS THE FOUR HORSE OF THE Apocalypse?

John Gottman (1999), as a result of his many years of research, has revealed four basic behavioral patterns that can lead to the end of relationships. He defined them as the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse. These behaviors are humiliation, criticism, being on the defensive, and building walls.

Humiliation: It is one of the most negative forms of behavior that should not be in relationships. It is the situation in which one of the spouses considers himself superior to the other and belittles the other. In such a relationship, conflict will be inevitable. Since the expressions of contempt also contain messages of disgust, it will be impossible to solve the problems and will lead to the end of the relationship.

Criticism: Criticism is negative statements about character and personality. Complaints between couples are inevitable; however, complaint and criticism are concepts that are often confused with each other.

Being constantly on the defensive: Another behavior that causes the relationship to end is that couples constantly defend themselves without trying to understand the other party. The most distinctive feature in defense is not hearing what the other side is saying. When one couple criticizes the other, the other gets into a defensive position; however, the conflict continues to escalate as the defense is a kind of accusation and contains the message "it's not me, it's you". A vicious cycle occurs.

Walling: Although walling may seem less dangerous than the other three behaviors, it is actually one of the most damaging behaviors to the relationship. Walling is when one of the couples cuts off physical and mental communication and does not speak during the discussion. On the basis of this behavior, it is dangerous because it gives the message "you are worthless" to the other party.